The Power of Discipline Over Punishment

Hiya Conscious Community,

I very rarely got in trouble as a kid. I was the youngest, and a girl so clearly I was a perfect angel who could do no wrong.

But those rare moments I did find myself in trouble I would be put on punishment. In my household, this usually meant being grounded—no TV, computer, or video games. As a teenager, this would have probably extended to no phone or social media as well. Depending on the severity of my actions, spanking could even be on the table.

I can still vividly recall the times I was spanked. The strange thing is, while I remember the physical punishment, I struggle to remember why I was being punished in the first place. This disconnect between action and consequence raises an important question: Is punishment really discipline?

The Difference Between Punishment and Discipline

Punishment and discipline are often used interchangeably, but they serve very different purposes. At its core, punishment is about inflicting harm or discomfort, whereas discipline—derived from the Latin root disciplina—is about learning. A natural consequence, on the other hand, is a direct response to one's actions, helping to teach and guide behavior.

For example, imagine a child in the block area who starts throwing the blocks. Instead of punishing them, I might first remind them that blocks are for building and redirect them to a ball that they can safely throw. If they continue to throw the blocks, a natural consequence might be taking a break from the block area for the rest of playtime. This consequence is directly related to their action, helping them understand the impact of their behavior while also respecting their need for sensory engagement.

The Dance of Discipline in Child Development

Working with children is like a delicate dance. We must balance their emotional, physical, psychological, and sensory needs while guiding them toward becoming respectful members of their communities. This process involves understanding not only their development but also our ultimate intentions for them. Do we want our children to feel like valued members of a greater society? What does it mean for them to be respectful and empathetic community members?

Discipline, in this context, isn't a negative concept. In fact, we practice discipline every day—whether it's through routines like brushing our teeth or following rules while driving. When discipline is approached as a learning opportunity rather than a punitive measure, it fosters growth and development.

Connecting Discipline to Justice

At its heart, discipline rooted in learning and understanding aligns with broader concepts of justice. Just as we seek fairness, equity, and compassion in our communities, we should strive to instill these values in our children through our approach to discipline. By shifting from punishment to intentional discipline, we model justice in action—teaching children that their actions have consequences and guiding them toward making better choices in the future.

Check out these books and resources

• "No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind" by Dr. Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson

• "Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason" by Alfie Kohn

• “Gentle Parenting—More Than Just Permissiveness” Article by Brittney Carey (that’s me 😊)

• Check out this growing list of my personal favorite books on Social Justice Education

Discipline becomes a tool not just for behavior management but for cultivating a sense of responsibility and empathy. In this way, gentle parenting intersects with social justice, helping to raise children who are not only disciplined but also deeply aware of their role in creating a more equitable and compassionate world.

🫶🏾

Brittney

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