Building Community, Not Just Compliance

Hiya Conscious Community,

Last week, I shared a bit about my journey with grades in school—how I coasted through Elementary school with fairly average grades (B’s and C’s) without really trying. One day, I started questioning myself: What would happen if I actually tried? So, I did. And when I put in the effort, something incredible happened—I became a straight-A student. This shift wasn’t about getting rewards or avoiding punishments; it was about discovering what I was capable of when I was motivated from within.

External vs. Intrinsic Motivation: What’s the Difference?

Motivation can be broken down into two categories: external and intrinsic. External motivation is driven by rewards or consequences—getting a treat for good behavior, earning points for chores, or avoiding punishment. While it can be effective in the short term, the long-term impacts on children are worth considering.

When external motivation becomes the primary tool, it can weaken a child’s ability to develop intrinsic motivation. They may start to believe that effort is only worthwhile if there’s a reward waiting at the end. This transactional mindset can also affect their relationships with parents, caregivers, and teachers, making those relationships feel more like a series of exchanges rather than genuine connections.

Intrinsic Motivation: Empowering Children to Thrive

Intrinsic motivation, on the other hand, comes from within. It’s the drive to do something because it’s meaningful, interesting, or challenging—not because there’s a prize at the end. When children are intrinsically motivated, they become active participants in their own development. They explore, create, and learn not because they have to, but because they want to.

In both the home and the classroom, fostering intrinsic motivation means giving children opportunities to make choices, take ownership of their actions, and feel a sense of autonomy. It’s about encouraging curiosity, recognizing effort rather than results, and allowing them to experience the natural consequences of their decisions.

Context Matters: Understanding Motivation in Different Scenarios

It’s important to recognize that motivation isn’t one-size-fits-all, especially when it comes to neurodiverse children. For some children, external motivation can be a valuable tool in helping them navigate challenges, providing structure, and reinforcing positive behaviors. In these cases, external rewards or incentives can serve as a bridge to help children engage in tasks that might otherwise feel overwhelming.

However, while external motivation can be a helpful starting point, it’s essential that we view it as a stepping stone toward internal motivation. The goal should always be to gradually shift from external rewards to fostering a deeper, intrinsic drive within the child. This can be a longer process for some, and that’s okay. The key is to be patient and intentional in how we use external motivation.

Rethinking Behavior Modification: What’s Our True Intention?

External motivation is often used as a behavior modification tool, and we see it in common practices like clip charts, behavior points, or pizza parties for good behavior. These methods can be effective in the short term, but they also raise important questions about our long-term goals.

As educators, parents, and caregivers, it’s worth pausing to consider our intention: Why do we want children to exhibit good behavior? Is it because we want them to get something out of it? Or is it because we want them to understand that they are part of a community, something greater than themselves, with shared values of respect, kindness, and responsibility?

When we focus solely on external rewards, we risk sending the message that good behavior is only worthwhile if there’s a prize attached. But when we help children see that their actions impact others—that they contribute to a positive, connected community—we’re instilling values that will last far beyond the momentary satisfaction of a reward.

The Science Behind It: What’s Happening in Their Brains?

When children rely heavily on external motivation, the brain’s reward system can become conditioned to expect immediate gratification. This can make it harder for them to develop persistence, self-discipline, and a love for learning. intrinsic motivation, however, activates different areas of the brain associated with satisfaction, creativity, and long-term fulfillment. By fostering intrinsic motivation, we’re helping children build the skills they need to navigate challenges and pursue their passions with confidence.

Resources to Support the Shift

If you’re looking to make the shift from external to intrinsic motivation, here are some resources that might help:

• Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck (READ)

• Punished by Rewards by Alfie Kohn (READ)

• The Positive Discipline series by Jane Nelsen (READ)

• Autonomy-Supportive Teaching by Johnmarshall Reeve (WATCH)

These books and resources offer practical strategies for parents and educators to encourage intrinsic motivation in children, helping them become self-driven and resilient learners.

Motivating children isn’t about dangling rewards in front of them or punishing them into compliance. It’s about helping them discover the joy and satisfaction that comes from within. By focusing on intrinsic motivation, we empower children to take ownership of their actions, build meaningful relationships, and become active participants in their own growth and development.

Next week, we'll dive deeper into practical ways you can foster this intrinsic drive in the children in your life. Until then, let’s continue to support and inspire the next generation to thrive—not because they have to, but because they want to.

See you next week,

Brittney

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